blackroselivine

Sweet Depression

2010-02-20T13:24:00.004Z

Sometimes I wonder what has been contributing so much to my depression. I have to put on a mask every time I leave my harem, faking a smile to hide what's been going on in this complicated head of mine. I seem to not know what I want now, I seem to can't find where I truly stand. I've always made decisions that would contradict with what I truly want and it tears me apart that I can't even stick to what I've set my mind to. It all sounds confusing, but the truth is, I don't even know what I want now.

There are many times where I try to think of who I want to be, who I should be and who others want me to be. Most of the time, I'll be all three at one time and I tend to be a different person when I'm in a different crowd. And it hurts so much that I can't even find my own true identity. Who am I exactly? I've been asking myself this question for so long and I have yet found an answer. I don't have a personality of my own and I tend to change according to my surroundings. I guess if you look at it positively, this means that I'm easily adaptable to new surroundings, but that also means that I don't have an identity of my own.

I'm not entirely happy at where I am now. I know I could have done much better, and I could have done so much more. There're a few things that I want right now, but I'm quite sure if i ever get close to them, I'll head to the exit route like I always do. I've missed a few chances of getting one of the things that I wanted, and I've vowed that if another one comes, I'm not going to let it go. But I'm quite sure I'll contradict with myself and flee, as always.

First love?

2010-02-08T21:33:00.012Z

I found it a little bit difficult to write this post. Every time when I wrote something, I'd feel that it wasn't good enough and would proceed to hitting the 'backspace' key. This is my fifth attempt at doing this; I hope it'll turn out well.

Last week, I spent most of my time watching some Disney classics, and although Beauty and the Beast had always been my all time favourite, Pocahontas has caught my attention and has held it since. I'd seen Pocahontas many times when I was younger, but I'd never given much thought to it until recently. After watching it two times in the row, I couldn't help but wonder why did I find myself so drawn towards the Disney classic. After much self-reflection though, I realised that I could relate to her very well. I would love to elaborate further on that though, but that's not what this post was all about. Maybe I could write another post on that :)

http://amysrobot.com/files/pocahontas.JPG

So anyway, I loved Pocahontas very much. I loved the message the movie sent, how the power of love and affection one shows towards the other is stronger than that of greed. I was fascinated by the strong feelings she had for John Smith that she was willing to sacrifice herself just so that she could be with him. I was touched by the affection they had for each other, and that was the part where I could relate to her most. For a moment there, it made me believe that true love actually exists and will last for eternity. It made me felt certain that once I've found the right guy who truly loved me as much as I loved him, we'd always be together no matter what and will remain in each other's heart forever.

Then the Pocahontas II came along and changed my views on certain things. It brought me back to reality from my fairytale world that only existed in my head. You see, I was quite a strong believer that the first true love is the love that will always last and no matter how far apart the two lovers were, they would in some way or another get back together eventually.

I'd always thought that the feelings she had for John Smith were so strong that after seeing him alive would awaken the feelings she had pushed aside to move on and would go straight into his arms and pick up the pieces from where they left hanging. I was aware that the Disney producers wanted to keep to the historical facts and Pocahontas chose to be with John Rolfe instead of John Smith at the end of the second movie. But then again, according to history, Pocahontas and John Smith were never romantically linked. In fact, she was described as just a child of nearly 10 years old when she saved him from being executed.

Facts aside, I wished Disney had ventured off from the historical facts and made it more of a fantasy instead. Many fans were disappointed (myself included) when she chose the other John. To be fair, John Smith's character wasn't portrayed that well in the sequel. He was portrayed as someone who was self-centered and cared more about his dreams. Besides that, the sequel didn't show his strong affection for Pocahontas like the first one. It did make sense though why she chose John Rolfe in the end.

I watched the second movie right after the first one and I had John Smith's character in my mind when I was watching the second one. Honestly, if Disney had kept Smith's character like the way he was in the first movie and made Pocahontas and him end up together, it would have been the most romantic Disney film ever.

I guess in a way it's good for people with fantasy-laden minds like mine that Disney included some reality in its films. It showed that people will always change and one could never expect the person he knew two years ago to be the same as he was now. I wasn't expecting such a drastic change in character, that's all. After all, it's Disney! =(.

I wish Disney had stuck to it's fantasy theme that true love will never die. The strong feelings that John Smith and Pocahontas showed toward each other in the first movie did feel like true love, and yet it didn't last. A disney film actually blew my bubble, I guess that's what that has been contributing to my depression. I couldn't believe that a Disney film actually ruined this fantasy of mine about true love. Lol.

http://www.disneyprincesspicture.net/images/pocahontas/9.%20Pocahontas%20with%20White%20Man.full.gif

Well, I guess this is how it'll always be. Things are not always what we expected them to be. We could plan our love lives with every bit of detail of how it's going to be for the next ten years, but it never actually turns out that way. At the end of the day, it's about how we live through it that matters most. I'm the type of person who has high sentimental values, and if I had a chance to pick up from where I had left off in my first love again, I would go for it with minimal hesitation. Would you? ;)

Happy Valentine's Day in advance =). Whether you have plans on that day or not, I hope you'll have a great time surrounded by the people you love.

The Return of Blackroselivine

2010-01-19T22:54:00.002Z

It's been a long time since I last posted a post. After my last post, I just couldn't find anything to blog about and often confide my inner thoughts within myself. When I really needed to channel everything out though, I'd often write them down into a personal journal, where no one will find them. This habit of mine has been lingering for a while now; I don't often show people my emotions, I'll keep them in and let them build up bit by bit. When I know there's no way I could keep up with them, I'll put them into writing.

I guess it's quite obvious now that I'm not a very good blogger. In fact the last time I've visited my own blog was at least five months ago. That just shows how committed I am to my blog, lol.

It's not really about me not knowing what materials to put on this blog and what not to. I've come up to the point where I'm not really sure what I feel appropriate to share with the virtual world and what to keep to myself. When I first started this blog, my main aim was to create a place where I could feel free to write about anything I like without anyone knowing who I am. I wanted to feel the freedom of being able to write about anything in the world without anyone knowing my true identity. And a tiny part of me wants to know who is actually reading my blog, if there's any :)

I do have a few friends who knew about the existence of this blog, but considering the lack of activity of this blog from the last few months, I doubt anyone ever comes here anymore. In fact, I'm not even sure if anyone reads this blog until recently :')

One fine day, after blog-hopping for over an hour, I've decided to come to my blog and see when was the last time I've actually posted something. So I went through my old posts and saw a few anonymous comments. I'm really grateful for those comments, and thank you for visiting this page. You've just lifted up spirit and I feel the urge to start blogging again. Your comments do make a difference to me, please keep it up. :)

As much as I would love to be an active blogger, I can't promise you that I could keep my blog updated all the time :(. I'm currently doing my final year degree, and I predict that the next few months will be a very busy time for me. I shall try my best though.

Thank you for visiting my blog. Don't forget to drop by again next time :)

I'm In Loveeee

2009-06-12T19:39:00.007+01:00

The smooth melody of the piece flows into your soul and calms down all the tension exerted upon you. As your eyelids slide down to a close, you sink into the tunes and absorb the beautiful melody and drown yourself with all the passion it prevails.

WARNING: A HEAVY EPISODE OF FAN-GIRLING COMING UP AHEAD. PLEASE SKIP THIS SECTION IF YOU’RE NOT PREPARED TO BE TRANSPORTED BACK TO ONE OF THOSE HIGH SCHOOL CELEBRITY CRUSH FAN-GIRLING SESSIONS.

It’s quite a shame really, I’ve always had this thing to discover my favourite bands/musicians/singers way after they’ve just started out. Some, to some extent, are only discovered way after they’ve become famous. Shallow, I know. But I haven’t been the one known to scout around for good music and be one of the first few who actually liked them before they became famous and well liked by millions of others across the world. So anyway, long story cut short, I’ve found a new figure to fan-girl around!! =D

Not that I usually have a chance to fan-girl my favourite bands/musicians with my friends, due to, well, my rather different choice of music. I listen to all kinds of genre, but my preference still remains at gothic rock and piano ballads. They’re they type of music I can listen to any time, no matter what mood I am in. Though I must confess, I spent the entire night last night listening to mushy songs like ‘I Swear’ from All For One. I was watching Just Friends and that song came up and from then onwards I started listening to cheesy songs the whole night. Hehe.

And then…I had this sudden craving for piano ballads and thought about YIRUMA!! So I started listening to his pieces and my love for him grew deeper and deeper. I’ve loved him the moment I listened to ‘River Flows in You’ a couple of months ago, it was love at first sight!! Err, well, I wouldn’t say that considering I don’t believe in love at first sight, so love at first beat maybe? Hehe. And…I found out that he sings too!!! It’s a bonus!!! *Giggles* He doesn’t sing that much though, only on special occasions, but still, a wonderful composer/pianist who can also sing??? How much more can you ask for?? =D

This does not affect Maksim’s status and position! Maksim will always be one of my favourite musicians of all time. He’s so gifted and will always be my idol. His case was another “love at first beat”. I remember being an uncool 14-year old (not that I’m cool now, just maybe slightly cooler? XD) who had to come earlier to school for the much hated sports practice (I was in the afternoon session then), and had to wait for another 3 hours before school started. If it wasn’t for the TV in the Laman Ilmu (Knowledge Zone? XD) which actually had satellite TV on, I’d be bored to death.

So there I was watching something on the Discovery Channel (Okay, I made that up. I can’t remember what I was watching!) and was about to turn away when I heard the first beat. I turned back to the TV with eyes wide open and saw his fingers flying up and down across the keyboard, you almost can’t see his fingers at all! The song was ‘Flight of the Bumble Bee’ and it’s been buzzing in my ears since then.

Somehow I’m quite glad that I’ve managed to find out about Maksim. That was the point of time when I hated playing music so much, and that actually made me choose to do art instead of music during the first 3 years of high school. But Maksim changed it all, I started liking music and strated playing some of his =). I used to take up electone lessons since I was six, but I finally quit when I was 17. Sometimes I wished my parents had sent me for piano lessons instead of electone. There’s not much difference between them, to be honest, and if you’re good, you can play on both flawlessly.

Unfortunately for me, I am not good. I can’t play the piano. It’s terrible! I love the piano so much, to the extent that I’d like my dream boyfriend to be a pianist. Okay, I’ll stop here and keep the fantasies to myself XD. Hehe. Anyway, it’s horrible for someone who loves the piano so much, but can’t play it without sounding like someone who’s never touched the piano keys her whole life when she’s been playing something similar for almost 15 years T.T. I guess I have no one to blame but myself. I should have practiced more, I should be more patient and do my takes on the pieces slowly, part by part until I can finally play them slowly, and then increase the speed little by little.

But one has no patience for that! I can play many songs, but most of them only half way through because I usually give up when the keys start to change. One of my favourite pieces from Maksim, ‘Croation Rhapsody’, has five flats in the second verse. Five flats!! I used to struggle with just two flats! >.<. To make matters worse, I haven't been playing the electone for almost nine months now. I hope I can still play it >.<. My dad actually wanted to sell it off without even aking me! Thank God my mum actually thought of asking me if I still wanted to play it; if she hadn't asked, I would have gone home only to find an empty space (or some furniture, depending on their mood) instead of my familar black electone >.<.

Wait a second, wasn’t this post supposed to be some fan-girl post about Yiruma? Hehe. I guess I’m still inexperienced when it comes to fan-girling. Heck, I don't even know his last name! I don’t know anything about Yiruma besides the fact that he’s born in South Korea, grew up in London, won a couple of piano competitions, won several awards thingy, and is happily married. I have no idea how many albums he’s made, when is his new release and his tour dates. But don’t worry, google is always there to help me!! =)

This is Yamaha's electone Stagea Mini. It's relatively new, if I'm not mistaken. New electones only come out once every 5-6 years? This came out last yeat I think. What's cool about this one is that it is now equiped with a USB device so that songs can be recoreded and it can support most kind of arrangements. Gone are the days when we had to use diskettes to for the proper arrangements >.<

This is the Electone Stagea. It has a touch-LCD screen!! Gosh how the electons have evolved over time! It's a good thing too. I was wondering when they'd eventually come up with models that could acually support CDs (that was four years ago and we were still using diskettes =.='), and recently I was wondering if they'd come up with a USB port. It seems like they've skipped CDs and jumped straight to USBs. Lol. Thank God my mum never got the EL-500 I used to pester her to get me. It's one of the high-scale models only teachers would use and we only had one of them in each room. It's also the model we'd use for our exams. But it could only support a diskette. =D

This is Yamaha's El-25. It's similar to the one I'm using at home, the El-27. Sadly, I have no pictures of it =(. The only difference is that an El-27 has a diskette slot on the right, next to the switch button. I used to record some of my songs into the diskette and thought it was so cool. Until I found out that when I tried putting it into my computer, it won't recognise the file >.<. The good thing is, when I'm lazy and don't feel like playing the electone, I'll just pop my diskette into the its diskette slot and listen to my own recordings. Some were awful, honestly, but I just did that to amuse myself. Gosh, I had no life. Haha

This picture is from his third album, quite an old picture. His latest pictures are a bit...erm...well, I shall not mention it here. Mentioning it will only show that I've finally agreed with my friends' accusation about him all these years. But no matter, I'll always luvvvv him!! ^___^

Ahh..Yiruma. He plays a completely different kind of music as compared to Maksim. However, I am in no position to judge any of them considering my lack of experience in the music world. I enjoy his music very much, and if I'm not to broke from all the shopping sprees I've promised with my friends when I go home, I'll probably get his album. Teehee =)

River Flows In You - Yiruma

I luvvv this piece. Too bad I can't play it, I don't think I can ever play it like this ='(
Hope you like it too =)

A Silver Locket

2009-06-02T00:57:00.014+01:00

The early dawn brings new light
The essence of spring awakening my slumber
I rise with ease from a bed of roses
The energy from my adobe filling me with integrity.

Days go by and there I still stand
Rooted to my grounds embalmed with your faith
You brought me up with compassion and gave me the trust
Shaping me into who I am with love that will always last.

A silver locket springs to mind
Eccentric and divine it hasn’t lost its shine
A gift for an achievement it once used to be
It now holds more significance than what the eye can see.

Far away I am standing now
Away from all the comfort I once knew
The silver locket keeps the memories alive
A symbol of love, comfort and care it never leaves my side.

For two decades I am truly blessed
Because of you I now stand where I stand
Neither words nor actions can rival your sacrifices
With that I am forever grateful to be cherished with your love.

***

As mentioned in previous post, this poem was written for my mum for Mother's Day. I know it's a bit too late to be posting it up in conjunction with Mother's Day, but I didn't have the time to alter the last line. I'll try to keep my postings up-to-date next time. ;)

This version differs slightly from the original version because of the last line. I wasn't quite happy with original version's last line, so I tried to alter it a bit. Seems like I still haven't done quite a good job =(. Nevertheless, this poem is already posted up, so the thought of having to post something about it won't linger in my head anymore now. Now I can keep it fresh for new ideas for my next post =D

p/s: At the rate I'm going, my blog will soon be filled with poems. I apologise in advance for boring any of you guys when you come across my blog and say "what? another poem?? can't she think of anything better to write???" Lol..I'll try to make my blog more interesting. Got to go now. Need to start on my revision..Can't wait for Thursday!! =)

Of Poems and Procrastinations

2009-06-02T00:04:00.007+01:00

This is not good. Really really not good. Somehow my inspirations to creative writing only come when I need to study, or when I need to do an assignment that is almost due. The more cramming sessions I need to do, the more the ideas to write start flowing into my already overly-crammed head. So to which side do I fall prey to? Commitment, duty and responsibility (In other words, studying =P. I just feel like being all word-sie word-sie, lol)? Or to allow my inner thoughts to run free? I guess by seeing me here with barely two days left to cram my poor brain with all the haematology and immunology I learned this term has, without a doubt, displayed the weaker side of me.

As much as I hate to admit that this is just a form of procrastination, most of my best creative work are produced in between the hours of working ( I make it sound as though I’ve produced a collection of artwork and writing, but in truth I’ve only done about 4 drawings? And two poems? Sad..Lol). The point is, somewhere in between studying; I’ll just get this sudden idea to write about something. That’s not all, the problem is, once the idea starts coming in, more and more will join the line and soon I’ll have this whole scene in my head and I’ll get overly excited and will spend hours, (yes, you read that right, HOURS) just day-dreaming. It’s terrible! Of all the time I’ve spent wasted by day-dreaming, I could have used it wisely to remember, say, the whole mechanism of Clostridium tetani correctly maybe? And not having to resort to making up my own mechanisms (as well as reactions too =P) and filling in the rest of the page with absolute crapness. Gosh, I’m hopeless! Lol.

Some good things do come out from all that though. I’m quite surprised by how many poems I’ve written in the past few months. Okayyy, so maybe ‘two’ isn’t such a big number to brag about, but still, considering that I’ve never written them since I was 16 (well, to be honest I didn’t write THAT much; the one and only poem I’ve ever written was for an English lesson), I’ve managed to produce some decent poems. True, they’re not very good, they could have been better. But I’m just quite happy that I can even manage to write them in the first place.

My first piece was posted a couple of weeks ago and I’m currently altering the last line of my second poem. I wrote it for my mum in conjunction with Mother’s Day. Yes, I wrote it in between revision sessions, hehe. I barely took two days to finish it, it would have been better if I had more time, but I wanted to send it to her on Mother’s Day. I was quite unhappy about the last line though. It sounded a bit clichéd and ordinary, I wish I could have thought of something better. But my mum didn’t mind, she’s even printed it out and pasted it in her office. *Glows with pride* =)

*Peom in next post*

Friendship Will Always Remain

2009-05-20T22:38:00.003+01:00

I spent the afternoon talking to my mum about my exam. I was more afraid of disappointing my parents than anything else. I’m thankful though to have such understanding parents. My mum told me to just focus on my other papers and forget about the last two. I feel a little bit better than before, but I felt a lot better after talking to one of my good friends, May, in Aussie.

No, we didn’t talk about exams. The last thing I would want to do is to drag someone whom I haven’t spoken to in a long time into my misery. We talked about life in general and it has hit me on how far we’ve come now. How much we have gone through since we first met. How much we have changed since the last time we saw each other. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve seen her and looking at it now, it looks like I won’t be seeing her again anytime in the near future =(.

The daily phone calls may have stopped as the years go by, but one thing that still remains is our friendship. Though we’re not as close to now as we were before, though we don’t share everything about our lives like we used to, and though we might not know much about each other now, the one thing that remains is the bond that’ll always keep us attached and it will always exist as long as our friendship remains.

I also realized, after not talking to her for so long, that once we’ve gotten past the usual small talks and the differences in our attitude and behavior (both good and bad) that we picked up as we grow older, she is still the same person I know who used to listen to all my rants when we were 14. This makes me miss her even more. We used to have so many things in common, and though those things may have become less and less as the years go by, the little things that brought us together in the first place start to resurface and it feels like we’re just picking up the things from where we left off. It’s like we’ve never left high school and we’re just continuing our conversations from where we left them hanging. I feel so close to her for once, how ironic it is considering that she’s the person I talk least to now compared to the rest of my good friends.

I feel truly blessed though to have friends around me who will always look out for me where ever I am. It doesn’t matter that we’re far away from each other now, it doesn’t matter that as we graduate from one institution to another, we make new friends, and we develop new habits, new dislikes and new likes. All that don’t matter anymore now because that’s how it will always be. We can’t hold on to the past, hoping that things will always be the same. Because it won’t be. We will change as the days go by, but the one thing that’ll always be the same is the bond that has existed beween us since the very begining. It may have weakened, and to some of us, it may have even been shattered, but its existence is still unquestionable. And it will not perish as long as we believe in it. =)

***

I don't think they'll read this considering that I've never given them my blog link, but if they ever come across my blog I have something to say to them: To May, WL, GS, KK, AL, LT, F, and SP, you guys mean the world to me. I luvvv u guys <3

Not my usual self

2009-05-20T22:20:00.001+01:00

I feel terrible. I’ve never felt like this for a really long time. As childish as it may sound, the thought of failing an exam really makes me feel so down. No, I’m not a geek, and as far as I can remember, I don’t think I’ve ever been one. My main aim for this exam is to pass every subject with the minimum grades required to pass, but failing them will only lead to further disappointment. I just do not want to fail. I know that I’ve done quite badly for my Pathophysiology & Therapeutics paper and it has made me depressed all day. Passing it seems so difficult right now.

The thought of cutting my summer holidays at home short by a month for the re-sit papers makes it even more unbearable. I’ve been so depressed the moment I walked out of the classroom. I thought a retail therapy would do some help, but it did nothing. In fact, I didn’t even do much shopping even though I’ve been yearning to do it since last week =(.

Tried to do some studying last night but the thoughts of a possible failure and having to take a re-sit keep on going in my mind and I ended up spending the whole night listening to a higher than my usual dosage of emo songs. They do help though. Somehow by sinking in into the tunes, absorbing the lyrics word by word and relating them to my own feelings makes me feel that I am not alone in this suffering and there are people out there who are at a worse position than me. It didn’t cheer me up, but it certainly did make me feel better.

P/s: Part of this post was typed last night. I'm in a much better mood now. (Read next post) =)

Morning Star

2009-05-03T18:01:00.012+01:00

The falling rain awakes the sorrows buried deep inside her
The darkness of her thoughts clouding all her smiles
Day by day she waits for a better tomorrow
Tomorrow comes and goes and there she still waits.

The morning star shines brightly guiding her way
She turns to see, but sees nothing but darkness
She tries to reach, but feels nothing but cold air
She tries to listen, but hears nothing but her heartbeat.

The morning star never sets and shines brightly blinding her eyes
She tries so hard to reach, but feels nothing but emptiness
The emptiness creeps deeper and deeper the harder she tries

She tries to let go, but keeps being pulled back.

She finally breaks loose with all the strength she possesses
The morning star glowing dimmer as she takes each step backwards

She takes one last glance at the orange glow
She tries to justify, but all she sees is a black hollow.

Black Roses

2009-04-24T02:46:00.010+01:00

Hmm…why roses I wonder. As far as I can remember, I’ve never thought I would be so fascinated by a certain type of flower, and roses too of all flowers.

Tracing back to three years ago, I was a girl who was quite different from who I am now. I don’t intend to go into anymore details on that however, as this is not what I’m here for. Three years ago, as well as the many years before that, I was quite certain that I never liked flowers. Why is that, you might ask. I used to believe that flowers are one of the things that wouldn’t last.

Flowers given as a gift, for whatever reasons they are given for, mostly signifies eternal love. However, it seems to be rather deceiving as they will only end up dying in a few days. Thus it seems rather irrelevant to give someone a gift that should signify something that lasts eternally, only to have it dying a few days later. That was my excuse for my rather childish dislike towards flowers back then.

Looking at it now, after much reflections of my past, I’ve managed to work out the reasons behind my dislike. It was quite obvious, actually. I wonder why I hadn’t gotten it worked out a long time ago. During my teenage years, mainly my last few years of high school, I’ve never actually gotten flowers from anyone. Therefore I used to come up with all kinds of excuses as to why flowers are not important at all. I was defending myself from the harsh voices of the other side of my head. It was the only way for me to not feel bad about myself. To be honest, I wasn’t completely secure of myself back then.

However, those were the days. Although it wasn’t that long ago, I must admit that I have changed a lot since I’ve left high school. Yes, the saying is true; you do get wiser as you get older.

My fascination for flowers started growing by July last year. I seem to have developed a sudden interest towards roses in particular. I’m not quite surprised by it though, as I’ve been drawing roses ever since I was about 13. However, back then, I had no slightest interest towards roses. I only drew them because I was more familiar with their pattern than any other flowers. The roses I drew back then resembled mostly tattoo designs. They were not sketches of roses, mainly just like little rose patterns.

Since July last year, my love for roses started to blossom, and I liked everything with roses on. I’m very conservative when it comes to my preferable choice of colour for roses. Yes, I only like red roses. Not purple, pink, yellow or the latest hybrid ones, but dark red. I prefer darker tones of red too, and soon I started liking black roses.

It didn't take long for me to identify myself with black roses. To some, black roses signify grief, pain and endless sorrow. It really depends on how others interpret them. There are many reasons as to why I relate to them very well, however, some of which are not so appropriate to be mentioned here. Black roses to me signify pure devotion. In my books, devotion equals to loyalty.

In a way, loyalty is what makes me the person I am today. If I hadn’t been loyal to the people I love and care for, I won’t be where I am now, surrounded by so much love and joy. I will always defend everyone I care for to the very end and my loyalties will always remain, unless I am betrayed.

Black roses symbolize who I am. They symbolize pure devotion and loyalty, which are what I often associate myself with.

Since this post is long and boring, here's a picture of a rose I've drawn.

This is my third drawing of a rose. I've never thought I would be able to draw roses like this.

It was nearly the end of the winter break and I was supposed to do my assignment when I started browsing around for rose pictures on the net (As a form of distraction XD) And then I came across a few rose drawings and started thinking if I could draw anything like that. Guess what happened next? As usual, I'll always find my own distractions from work =P. So I started drawing the rose sketches and I was quite surprised by what I could do. That was my first time drawing them and I was quite impressed by the outcome =). This picture is my third drawing. (I did three different drawings and all were done on the same day =P)

Just a random update

2009-04-19T22:45:00.002+01:00

Here's just a short update that I find quite interesting. Yan Ting came over from Newcastle to stay with me for the week. We've been hanging around here and there and enjoying the peace and quiet of this tiny little town. =)

One night, after we both got a bit sick and tired of doing our assignments, Yan Ting came up with an interesting idea of checking on Youtube for videos on how to style your fringes. So we went through a few videos, and a random thought just came flashing in front of me. I suddenly remembered reading from somewhere that it is possible to curl our hair using a hair straightener.

Guess what happened next?

We started looking for videos on how to curl our hair using a hair straightener, and, as you guessed it, we tried it on ourselves. =P

I tried on my hair first, it failed a few times. After a few attempts of trying, I managed to get some decent curls (and waves). I think you'll be able to guess what happened next.

A major issue of cam-whoring! Lol

We didn't realise that it was nearly 3am when we were finally done with our little "make-over". I honestly thought it was only 1am. Haha. Time does fly when you're having fun =P

So this is how I look like in curls. I've never actually curled my hair before so that was my first time. My hair has always been wavy and a bit bushy all my life until I straightened it February last year. I've outgrown most of the straightened part now, but thankfully, my hair is not as wavy and bushy as it used to be. =)

Anything to keep me away from work XDD

2009-02-03T00:24:00.000Z

Hehe..I'm being a bad girl. Well, I couldn't actually call this bad really. We all need a healthy dosage of distraction once in a while. Although I could say that mine's a bit of an over-dose considering the amount of time I've wasted with my own distractions..XDDD.

It is not a hidden fact that I am easily distracted. However, just now I did manage to spend 3 solid hours in the library doing stats only! And no, I didn't even sneak into facebook at all. Not even for 5 seconds...I didn't even log on the internet! That's a huge achivement for me! I'm not being so bad after all..tehee =P

I have a very very short concentration span, and honestly, you wouldn't want to know any more stories about this (I've got countless!).

I have no idea what triggered me to blog. It all started with livejournal...I needed a place to rant about my..erm..dislike towards the snow, and I ranted quite a bit on Lj (I always love to let my friends on lj suffer with my endless rants! Haha) and then all of a sudden I started blog-hopping and then I just felt like posting up something really stupid and makes abosultely no sense XD.

Gosh, I have no idea why I feel jittery all of a sudden. I guess it's because that for the first time, in a very long time, I am not listening to any emo songs. None at all. I'm just listening to Mika...guess that's what that causes the change of mood..lol

Should I head to bed now? I've got a 9am class tomorrow...I've had plenty of sleep last night though...but I feel like blogging more...Hmmm...(Don't mind me, I talk to myself a lot. I do that all the time on Lj XDD)

I guess I should head to bed now. Posting up something random and stupid is so fun. I should do this more often! Lol. I think I'm heading off to bed now. I've got plenty of time tomorrow to get disracted with my own distractions from work. I'm looking forward to it ;)

I'm Back!!

2009-01-22T22:16:00.002Z

Well, it's been a really really long time since I posted my last post. It dates wayyy back to the days when I was still in my beloved Penang. Now, today actually, marks the exact fourth month I am here. No wait..that was two days ago. (I came here on the 20th of September)..Oopss XDDD

Anyway, I'm not going to rant about how things are here and all that because we all know it is way too late (and boring XD) to go in great detail about that.

Now back to more interesting things. To be honest, I have no clue what to write here. My writing skills are getting rusty by every passing second and I haven't blogged in ages, even in livjournal. I guess I'm just being darn lazy. Or probably I just couldn't find anything insteresting enough to blog about. Pathetic, I know. Such a sad case..lol

However, there's this post that I've been aching (for the past half hour XD) to blog about. It's about my trip to Finland during the winter break. I'll probably blog about it when I spend another boringgg Friday night all aloneee in my humble little room. This is more of a 'come-back' post, though it doesn't sound anything like it. Haha. This blog is still under it's forever on-going construction..I'll be posting up more things in the future (Ha, I've said that in nearly every single one of my posts in livejournal, but i'll normally end up posting one totally random post after, say, 5 months? I shall never ever make promises on updates again! ;p)

My so called 'come-back' post is getting nowhere now ain't it? Lol, that's what I call horrible writing skills. XD.

Anyway, since this post is very very boring, I'll post up one of my favouite photos during the Finland trip. The rest will come during one boringgg friday/saturday night (this is not a promise, it's a plan =p)

This is me and my favourite doggie in the whole wide world, Kuje (pronounced ku-ya). He's my cousin's baby and he's a Finnish Laphund. He's one of the most adaroble doggies I've ever seen. He's nothing but an eating, walking furry teddy bear. Arghh..I miss him!!

Pic's a bit blurry. My battery had to run out on one of my very few pics with Kuje. Nevermind, I'll get more cam-woring pics with him when I visit my cousin..Hee heee. Kuje will hate me forever! XD

I shall explain more about Kuje in my next post. See you in the next post! (Again, this is not a promise, just a plan XD)

Visa

2008-08-28T15:40:00.000+01:00

Right now I'm in the middle of completing my UK visa. Well, it's more like getting the documents sorted out really. I didn't think it would be that difficult. But the sickening truth is, it is.

I mean, seriously, these British High Commissioner people are really strict about how we submit our documents. Like, for example, the dates on certified copies have to be stamped (and not hand written), the bank statements need to only be certified by the banks, the source of income of the sponsor needs to be notified...i mean, really...how could you explain if you got the money out of inheritance? or if you win the lottery? How are you going to come up with documents to show the source of money? Show them the will (in the case of inherited money)? The lottery ticket (in the case of winning the lottery)?

That would be interesting...I'd like to see the look on the Brit Hi-Com staff if anyone turns up with a lottery ticket shoved under his/her nose.

Besides that, the visa rejection rate is very high. I've just found out that four students have been rejected from getting their visas. The first was rejected because the financial evidence shown came mostly from her dad's trust fund. It can't really be avoided, not everybody keeps their money in banks...it seems that they only accept visa applications with bank statements and fixed deposits as the main financial evidence. Yeah, they are very difficult :(

And the second student was rejected because the date on some of her certified documents were hand written, and not stamped. I mean, what's the difference? Just because the date's not stamped, it doesn't make it not genuine. What's the big deal about it, right?

I've forgotten why the other two were rejected, but it's mostly about tiny glitches like those that I'd mentioned above that could be overlooked easily.

Who would have thought that a stamped and a hand written date could make a whole lot of difference?

Well, I guess I shouldn't rant too much about the UK visa, since my application and documents are yet to be submitted.

I don't want to get jinxed, you see. *crosses fingers*

With that aside, I'd like to rant about how my dad's reacting to this whole visa application thing.

I know it's not very nice of me to say this, but he is really getting to the point where he's starting to annoy me...to the max

He's been making me go through the whole detailed list of my documents more than 3 times at a time.

I could literally memorise the sequence of the itemised documents by heart by now.

And honestly, I know I should get jumpy and worried about how little time I have left, but I haven't gotten to the point where I should think about the visa the whole day. My dad is seriously way too worried about this. Yes, I do know that it is very crucial to get all the documents in order to give them no reasons to reject my application...but seriously, I know I've gotten most of the documents organized, and yes, I still haven't gotten my unconditional offer letter and my letter of accommodation (I need them for the visa application), but what more can I do? I've been calling them (the university representative in my country) on a daily basis

They've probably even memorized my number by now and might start ignoring my calls if I stick to my daily routine of calling them up first thing in the morning XD (Ok, this part-and the last sentence of the previous paragraph-have been heavily exaggerated :P)

I've pretty much done all that I could do. Right now, I'm just waiting for a few more documents to be certified (and verified), and *crosses fingers* for my unconditional offer and accommodation letter to arrive by tomorrow...Without these two, I still can't apply for my visa..Hmph..

Lastly, before I end this, I'd like to apologize to anyone who finds this post offensive. I am just ranting about how the British High-Com will never try to fail in making our lives miserable when it comes to applying for the visa. It is not your fault (or anybody for that matter) that the British High-Com is giving us international students a difficult time. And I am not blaming anybody. It's just that the the application rules are much stricter now compared to the years before, and anything that does not come up to their satisfaction will send the visa to the rejection line without even a second thought. And they are very particular about the little little things that could just be made away for most of us, that is

I know I'm not making any sense right now. I might even have tonnes of grammatical errors, that I'm quite sure my beloved secondary school English teacher (don't get me wrong, I really do love her...she's the best teacher I've ever had ^^) will faint the moment she reads the first sentence...

She might even hold her breath (if she manages to get through the first sentence that is XD) throughout the whole post and it'll be a miracle if she manages to come to the end without suffering from a heart attack...bless her...lol

Yeah, my English can be pretty bad sometimes

(though right now, I can say that it is bad most of the time...with all those grammatical errors and all...i wouldn't be surprised if my kindergarten English teacher could even get pass the first paragraph without having the need to shake me up and put me in the corner and force me to do a two-foot long exercise on grammar alone..hahaha

Haven't I mentioned before that I loveeeee to go all the way round the bush when it comes to writing? Well I guess I've just displayed my horrible skills in writing- flawlessly-
lol

Newbie

2008-08-27T14:33:00.000+01:00

Yes, I'm calling myself a newbie for now. Today, August the 27th, marks the day that I've created my blog. Officially.

I've been blogging on live journal for the past 3 years. However, my posts there are mostly rants about my daily life, something for my group of close friends to read. They mostly consist of silly rants, complaints about school, lecturers, college and *coughs* college mates; basically, things you wouldn't want to read about...lol

So why did I decide to start a blog when I already have an online journal?

Well, sometimes, I feel like posting things up that I don't want my friends, or people who are close to me to read. There are times when I feel like posting emotional posts, and sometimes, I've even come up with posts that are too emotional for them to think that the posts actually came from me. I'm not the type of person who shows her feelings to others, you see. I'd rather hide them than tell everybody I know how I really feel about something. Let them remember me as the cheery and jolly person they have always known.

I think I've missed my point on why I've started to blog here. This is one of my major problems. I always go around the bush when it comes to writing! Lol...but heck, this is about what I want to write, isnt it? There are no rules applied for how blogs should be written.

I'll post more blogs later on. I'm trying to modify my blog a bit, i think i'll add some personal touch to it. I've just created this blog less than a half hour ago, so please forgive me for the dullness of the layout..haha..

until next time! ;)